Do you believe you can change?
Hey mama-bear,
How many times have you tried to change things up while on your fertility journey? Probably more than you have in your entire life.
You tried to change your diet. From real bread to gluten-free. 🍞
You tried to change your stress levels. From wine o’clock to a quick 5-minute meditation. 🧘♀️
You tried to change your mind. From “I can’t do this” to “I can do this”. 💪
All in the hopes that these well-intentioned changes will stick like glue and move the needle towards finally getting pregnant.
But maybe a week (or two) later, you find yourself back to your old gluten-full-wine-please-I-can’t-do-this pattern
What the actual fuck, right?
Not only are you pissed that the changes didn’t stick, but the next time you get your period, you blame yourself that you didn’t do enough.
And so, the shame cycle continues….
I was on this joyless ride for years. Hopes high. Changes made. Motivation and belief dwindles. Period comes… SHAME.
I got off that shame-cycle (and finally got pregnant) by learning what was blocking me from creating real, sustainable, tangible change in my life.
So this week’s podcast is all about how to create change. Do you even think it’s possible for you? Why does it feel so gosh darn difficult? And what it’s gonna take/what changes do you have to make to f I n a l l y move the needle?
It’s wild, but as much as you consciously want to change your life to create your baby, research shows that you may be subconsciously resisting it.
Learn why and listen to this week’s 20 min. podcast now.
All my love 💜,
Xo Spenser
FULL EPISODE TRANSCRIPT:
Welcome to the Fertile Ground podcast with Spenser Brassard. The only podcast that teaches you how to get your mind and body on board so you can get your baby on board. And now here's your host, mind-body fertility expert, and certified life coach, Spenser Brassard.
Hey, mama bear happy 2021. Although 2020 of course had a lot of growth and transformation. Oh my God. I'm happy to put it behind me. That's for sure. Um, my husband Dan and my now nine month old baby boyBeck had a wonderful holiday season, Dan and I always spend those last two weeks in December, really slowing down so that we can notice and discuss with each other, what worked for this year and what we want to change next year. And we've been doing it for like the past four years. And it's so fun to look back onto the notes and see what we had wanted in previous years and the changes that have been made. Uh, it's super cool. So I highly recommend doing it with your partner.
And as you read in the title, this is, um, this week's podcast is all about change in 2020. For me, it was an insane amount of fast change for my family and I. We had our first baby in March, right at the start of a worldwide pandemic. It was a lot of change in a very short period of time. And I really do think I spent the remainder of the year just allowing myself to adjust to the newness, right. My new identity as a mother, during a pandemic. Right. And all the changes that came from that. And it was honestly just a lot of processing, allowing, and of course, loving up on my brand new long awaited, perfect baby boy. Now change, when you give yourself some time to think about it, is actually a very interesting topic. On the surface it seems quite obvious, but underneath it's fucking fascinating and you'll know what I mean very soon. So before we dive in, I have to be really upfront and honest with you right now. I absolutely do not think that you need to change everything about yourself and who you are to get pregnant. I think the only thing that needs shifting is realizing that you are enough as you are right now, which is, yes, ironic, but it is the magical piece, you know, and this can be very difficult in a culture that constantly is telling you that you're not enough until fill in the blank, bottom line.
I need to start right now by telling you that there is nothing inherently wrong with you, and what can change is your mind to make you realize this and see this for yourself because no matter what anyone says to you, until you realize it for yourself, that's what will create the change from the inside out. So changes, of course, when you make something different or you modify or you alter something, ultimately when it comes to the fertility journey, we crave change. We want it, we yearn for it. We want our minds to change and our bodies to change so that we can finally make that damn baby right now. There's this huge desire for change because let's face it. We do anything to have our babies. And we think, okay, well, we haven't, it hasn't happened yet. So I must need to change something, but we're finding it difficult to make that change. We're finding it difficult to do so. And that's what we're going to talk about in this podcast. Why does change feel so unattainable and difficult sometimes, and how to finally create actual, real life physical, tangible change in your life that you can see and touch right now, these answers are based on my experience, coaching hundreds of women on their fertility journey, but as well as based on recent research, that's been done around it.
Here's the crazy thing about change that I've learned throughout my years of self discovery and my experience in my career and my profession. And you might not like what you're going to hear... Consciously we want change more than anything, but subconsciously we completely resist and push back against it. So let me give you a couple of examples. Maybe you're someone who has trouble saying no. You always put others first, and this is leaving you physically and mentally exhausted. Let's say you're about to have, like, a really beautiful, slow self care night. You got a new book. You're about to run a long, hot bath with candles and epsom salts. And you're so proud of yourself for doing this. You need this night because you've been feeling completely and utterly depleted, but then your partner had a change of plans with work and is on their way home from. You know, is on the way home, instead of continuing your special, sacred night, you feel obligated to make sure your partner has a meal ready after a long day of work.
And so you feel bad continuing your night without them. So once again, self-care night postponed. You blow out the candles, you close the book. You quickly put on your PJ's and check the fridge to see if there's anything you can whip up for your partner. And it sounds so sad, right? And honestly it is. Did you consciously want to change? Yes. Did you consciously want to take a moment of rest and solitude and give your mind and body the rest that it deserves and that it needs? Yes, but subconsciously you resisted it, you pushed back against it. Here's another example: you found out your company has posted a new job in which you could apply for and get a promotion. This job is less hours, more money. And far more interesting than your current one, you know, you would be an ideal candidate for this position and it would completely change your lifestyle. More freedom to do things you'd love, like baking or painting, more money to invest in what matters most to you and more enjoyment, you know, just generally, um, in your everyday life, which is all ideal for your fertility and your mind-body connection.
But. Every day you say you're going to apply. You, find yourself procrastinating and putting it off. You know you want to take this step, but you can't seem to take the action. Finally, the deadline passes and Sally, who's way less qualified than you, lands your dream job. Consciously you wanted this change, but subconsciously you couldn't bring yourself to it. Now here's the thing. These changes and the examples are all valid. And in my professional opinion, these kinds of changes would not only change your daily life for the better, but have been proven to increase your fertility. They're lifestyle choices that will make you overall happier and help you as a person, which takes your body into an ideal state for conception.
So then the question becomes. Why do we resist change? We know we want it. We want to put ourselves first. We want a better life, a happier career. We want to change our thoughts of worry and doubt. We want to change the way we feel about our bodies and our ability to get pregnant. But why is it so difficult to do it? So here are three reasons why: One, because you don't believe change is possible. It's important. You know, one, one step to combating this is to generally just ask yourself if you believe that change is possible. You may quickly answer yes, but with a bit of examination and sitting with it, you might notice something different. For example, do you see success stories of women falling pregnant against all odds and believe that those stories are reserved for other women, but not you. Or maybe you were brought up by someone who constantly instilled into you that people don't change, right. That they just stay the same, or maybe you've tried to change.
You've made the resolutions, you've made the promises. You've tried the diet, you've done the treatment. You've been in the program, but with zero results, therefore you have a hard time believing in yourself. You have a hard time believing things can change. So, number two, because change is uncomfortable. Telling your partner that you're continuing yourself care night is uncomfortable at first, putting yourself out there and applying for that job is uncomfortable at first, because according to the way our brains work different could mean trouble. Plus anything different generally just feels very, very vulnerable, right? So when different starts to happen, even if it's what we want, the body sets off alarm bells, and what do we subconsciously do when we start to feel uncomfortable? We stop. I mean, it's really that simple. And number three, we resist change because change takes time. I mean, I want a quick fix as much as the next person. I want shit overnight. I want to see new muscles after one workout. I want to be enlightened after one meditation. Oh man. And I still do. I still want that. You know, I've always been this way, super decisive. I know what I want, which is what made the fertility journey, you know, that much more frustrating.
So when things don't happen overnight, we get discouraged and subconsciously and slowly, eventually just stop taking those steps. So here's the key to continuing change. Here is the key to beginning to see real life physical and tangible new results in your life because unlike popular belief or not even popular belief, but cultural influence, we can't just keep using willpower, using masculine energy to push and force, you know, ourselves to do things and using positive affirmations, even when, if we don't really believe it and hoping for the best, even though nothing we're doing, we're not doing anything different. The key to change is in the examination of your thoughts. It's here, where you start to believe that a new reality, mama bear, is possible for you. You need to learn what sneaky, sneaky thoughts are preventing you from living the life you want to be living. And this is exactly what we do in Fertility Mind-Body Mastery, which is the program that I've created. To give you a sneak peek here are some of the thoughts around change that will help you to believe in yourself Your desire to change is valid. Wanting to see change in your life doesn't mean you don't accept yourself. If you're struggling and feeling stuck, your desire to change is natural. And the commitment that you make to do it makes means that you fucking love yourself.
The way I teach is not about more discipline and more sacrifice, you know, even though your monkey mind might be telling you that that's what it means. Um, and that that's what changes, because your monkey mind wants to prevent you from changing. It wants you to stay status quo, right? It wants you to stay in the exact same spot. So keep up for that monkey mind belief, that changing means you're going against who you are or something know your commitment and your desire to relieve yourself of this suffering means you fucking love yourself. The way I teach change will only bring out the very best of you. A change from pain to pleasure. A change from sacrifice to self-love; a change from overthinking to finally feeling and processing; a change from doubt to believe. That's the kind of change I teach. And it's all rooted in love, ironically acceptance, and a ridiculous amount of support, direction and connection because I know how easy it is to get lost in the resistance around change. You know, and I know how difficult change can feel to the mind and body. Another thing I want to tell you is that change for you is possible. Research has shown that the brain is malleable and fully capable of change. Therefore, if you have a brain, you're capable of changing. Yes. Yes. I have a brain I'm capable of changing. Right? You can transform your doubts of, will it ever happen to me, maybe it's not meant to be. Maybe I'm not meant to be a mother, to believe that you can and will get pregnant or belief that it is possible. Your brain is capable of believing that your body can create a baby, but here's what research also shows.
Your ability to change greatly depends on your environment because when your environment changes, the brain is able to then reshape itself in response to the changes that it's exposed to. So you can't just hope for change. You can't just keep doing the same thing and hope for change. It helps drastically to change your environment, whether that be internal or external, you know, your environment is generally, what do you surround yourself with? Who do you surround yourself with? What do you expose yourself to? I'll be real trying to change your mind and body yourself by yourself without initiating a new process, creating a new environment or without support is really hard. It's doable, but it's really fucking hard. I mean, and it also will take longer.
So this is why I created the private training that you can watch on my website on how to break the vicious, trying to conceive cycle. We gotta change up your internal environment. We gotta switch shit up to start building momentum to that baby. And you know, you'll know a lot about what I mean, you know, it'll make a lot more sense to you after you watch that private training. So you can go to my website to, um, apply and watch that training. When you have support and you create a new environment for yourself, you instantly make change much more attainable because your brain says, wow, okay, this is, this is new. Okay. Things are changing. And this change is what initiates a new chain of thoughts and beliefs to support your dream of becoming a mother.
So inside of my Fertility Mind-Body Mastery program, it initiates a new environment within your mind and your body, a new and incredibly encouraging environment filled with support from women who, you know, share your hurdles and successes and have been through what you've been through and are going through what you're going through and have found a way out. It's easy to get stuck in the inside of the completely untrue thoughts in your brain when you don't have people lovingly calling you out on your bullshit. Ah, honestly though it happens all the time and you know, it just did last week on our group coaching call, I'll hear a limiting belief and I'll repeat it back to them and they say, well, when you say it out loud, I mean, it just sounds so silly.
And then. Yes. That's exactly right. These thoughts and doubts you have about getting pregnant in your brain that are on loop. Right? We get so stuck in them. Sometimes that we take them as, quote unquote, signs from the universe that maybe you're not meant to be a mother, but if that's what you're going through, hear me loud and clear right now, when I say they're just thoughts that you need to change, simple as that, it's not a sign. They're thoughts that need to change. And number three, you know, my, my words of wisdom around change is no challenge, no change. I wish this weren't the case for my sake, for your sake, for all of our sake, um, changes without a doubt, very uncomfortable. And sitting in your uncomfortableness is a challenge and you can't just make that change once just like exercising. Right? You don't see new muscles after one workout. Damn it, right. It takes consistency. And I wish it wasn't, but it's in our DNA to resist change, taking that bath while your partner fixes him or herself dinner or gaining the courage to apply for that job feels... let's just like, you know, put it this way, it feels weird and unnatural at first, right? There's the fear of failure. There's so many thoughts around it. There's the fear of rejection is the fear. There's the thoughts around people pleasing. There's lots of different things inside of this, but on the other side of these uncomfortable feelings are real deep life giving feelings of worthiness and confidence that are what contribute to you finally seeing those two pink lines. And that is on the other side of the uncomfortable feelings, meaning you got to feel it. And that is a challenge. So you can see why Fertility Mind-Body Mastery is six months long and you can see why my process actually works on helping women get pregnant.
Not only does the program reveal what thoughts need to change. And how to change them because maybe you're saying, okay, well, I know I have thoughts to change, but I don't know what those thoughts are, and I don't know how to change it. But in this program is where you learn all of that and where you discover that, and you have support literally from me, but it also gives you the environmental shift that research shows is needed in order to continue. Right. We need that, that shift and the six months of support. But you need to follow through and continue to build momentum to seeing real life physical, tangible, touch, right, change in your life. AKA that beautiful baby. I mean, every time I stare at my son, I'm like, Oh, that's so cool that you first began as something that I couldn't see.
And then. Finally fucking finally it happened. And then you were this spark of light inside of me that, you know, slowly began to grow and become more physical and more real. And then finally getting to see him. I mean, I dunno, I guess I'm just caught up in the magic of it right now. The mind body approach, right? Which is the same approach I got pregnant. Right. And the same approach I teach for you getting pregnant is so effective and completely achievable. And here's why every step you start to take, you know, within the first few days of learning my process inside Fertility Mind-Body Mastery, it is life affirming. And the small changes you start to see every day as you apply the process is what builds trust that it's working and you're feeling better, which is why you continue on with it. It's not just something you start and stop; the way I've designed it, as you start to see results very, very quickly, and you start to feel the relief very, very quickly. That's why you continue on with it. And start to see and feel actual change in your life. Remember you do not. If you take one thing from this podcast, let it be this, you do not have to sacrifice your way to your baby. There is another way, and I just have to end this podcast by saying that I noticed in 2020, you know, I resisted some of the change that happened and I'm sure this happens to a lot of new moms because I didn't want to lose who I am. I didn't want to become someone I wasn't, you know, I had a lot of really great things in my life. And maybe you do too. You have a wonderful relationship with your partner or you love your job, or you have some things that you really truly love and you're, maybe, you're afraid of losing that. And maybe this is the first time you've even heard of that being a possibility, but I've learned that I am and always will be the same person at my core.
No matter how much I change things in this lifetime. Um, the things I love about myself and my life will stay the same because it's in my heart. It's what's been with me for lifetimes and it's what I chose to take with me in this lifetime. What changes for me, and what changed in 2020 for me, is really a dethawing and a shedding of who I thought I should be and letting go of what just isn't serving my evolution anymore. And the baby really is a cherry on top of this incredible experience and awakening. In fact, you know, after women complete my program and learn how to let go of the thoughts that are creating their suffering and create a beautiful life for themselves. And very often get pregnant. The biggest discovery they have is that. Everything they were searching for. Like they had it in them all along. What they thought they would find outside of themselves, they actually found inside of themselves. So know mama bear, that what you're searching for, what you're yearning for, that feeling, that desire, that change, it's inside of you right now. You just may need some direction, support, and a new environment who ignites the process of discovering it and seeing it for yourself. So, if you want to create change in your life and build momentum, you know, and stop, instead of constantly being knocked off track or knocked down the rings of the ladder, you want to continue to build that momentum towards that beautiful baby.
You can apply to work with me and be a part of Fertility Mind-Body Mastery. It's your online sanctuary to transform fertility mystery into fertility mastery. So go to my website www.spenserbrassard.com and apply today. I can't wait to see your application. All right, mama bear. That's all for today. Lots of love.
Thanks for tuning in. If you want to fast track your mind, body connection, you can sign up for free fertility mindset trainings at www.spenserbrassard.com.
PS. If the Fertile Ground podcast has restored you with hope on the journey to your baby – please leave a review on iTunes. It helps other mama-bears who could be suffering and feeling alone, find the podcast. YOU can help restore them with hope. Click here to leave a quick review (and use a fake name if that makes you feel more comfortable!).
FEATURED ON THE SHOW:
Be a part of my private Facebook group 🌱
Follow me on Instagram 📸
Watch the Fertility Mindset Masterclass immediately ❤️
Love the podcast? Leave a review to help other mama-bears find me✍🏽