How to build momentum to BABY!
Hey mama-bear,
Can you remember a time in your life when you felt like things were FINALLY starting to work out – after a time of struggle and trying to “prove” yourself?
Maybe it was at a point in your career. Things just started to feel right. Finally.
Or meeting your partner. Things were beginning to click. You could relax now.
It’s like nothing could stop the momentum that was building.
But even if something did… you didn’t care, cause it felt so good?
WHICH MADE THE MOMENTUM EVEN STRONGER! ✨ ✨
Thisssss ^^^ is what momentum feels like towards your baby ♥️
My clients describe this momentum as:
Feeling so right.
Magical.
Completely unattached to the timeline and outcome.
It’s the energy that guides and shows you how to trust the journey, instead of feeling like you’re back at square 1 on plan #467, when you get your period.
So in today’s podcast, we’re chatting about How to Build Momentum to BABY!
You’re gonna learn:
The 3 things that stops momentum.
The 3 things that BUILD momentum.
How to trust it.
Without sensing momentum, it’s like it’s not even happening. In other words, if you keep feeling like you’re on the TTC rollercoaster, then you’ll keep being on the TTC rollercoaster. But when you sense the efforts of momentum building and acknowledge it, you only make it stronger!
Let’s build some beautiful momentum towards your baby mama-bear…
xo Spenser
Listen to the full episode:
full episode transcript:
Welcome to the Fertile Ground podcast with Spenser Brassard. The only podcast that teaches you how to get your mind and body on board, so you can get your baby on board. And now here's your host, mind-body fertility expert and certified life coach, Spenser Brassard.
Hi, it's been, oh God, it hasn't even been that long. Sorry, I am a little flustered right now to be completely honest. It's like Friday afternoon. I'm so looking forward to finishing up a great week. Actually I had a really great week. Just spent a lot of time getting my energy in check and tending to myself while still having really amazing conversations with my husband and a lot of quality time with my son Beck. So we are going to take off for the weekend and go to the cabin, the family cabin, and I can't wait to get out of the city.
So today in this incredible episode of the Fertile Ground podcast, we're going to talk about something that I find to be very exciting. You know, I talk a lot about building momentum towards your baby. And the word actually comes to me a lot when I journal about creation or just about getting what I want. And it's a word that the universe kind of plops into my brain very often to nurture any impatience I'm feeling and to focus more on the journey, acquire more trust, and notice progress. Right? Cause that's really another word for momentum, could be progress that we're making, because of course we all want things to happen over night.
We don't want to have to build momentum. I mean, maybe that's what you're thinking firsthand. And even when I started this podcast, I was like, Ugh, building momentum feels like work, but it's totally not. So keep listening. I get that we all want things right now. Because we believe that once we get there all will be well.
But this is all just an illusion and it's what our, you know, our monkey minds and our egos tell us. And if things don't happen right away, especially when we've been told something's wrong. If it doesn't, if our creations do not yet come to fruition, we feel as if we are right back to square one, you know, especially when you get your period or you have a failed cycle or a treatment doesn't work. Or, you know, things just didn't go as planned on your journey. Maybe you get testing and it didn't turn out, you know, whatever it is, you can often go back. Okay, shit. We're right back to square one. Right?
If you often feel like this. It can be difficult to overlook all of the growth that you have made. All of the incredible resilience that you've built throughout this journey and all of the exact right learnings that you've had along the way, all of the incredible qualities that you are continuing to accumulate and will continue to accumulate towards the conception of your baby on your, you know, in the nine months of pregnancy, into all those years of motherhood and beyond. So in this podcast, we're going to chat about momentum so that you can really start to lean into what it is, right. And make way for it so that you can start to trust the inner transformation that really takes place within your mind and body, even when you're not pregnant yet.
I'm going to say that one again, the whole point of this fucking podcast is so that you can start to trust the inner transformation that's taking place within your mind and body. Even when you're not pregnant yet. I'm going to teach you what stops momentum and what creates it. And I'm going to show you how to give it to yourself, to give yourself the validation that momentum is in fact building.
And you need to give yourself this validation and be in celebration of the momentum building. I mean, otherwise it's like it didn't even happen. Right? I've always been a celebrator. My dad jokes about it, right, I know I've written a whole podcast on the power of celebrating, but if we don't celebrate, it's like, it didn't even happen. Right. It might as well not have happened. Instead, celebrate to build on the momentum.
So let's begin by talking about what momentum is, you know, according to science, it's an actual thing, right? Momentum is a physics term. It refers to the quantity of motion that a physical object has. For example, a 50 pound ball will have more momentum rolling down a hill than a five pound ball, of course. Now this is what momentum is on a physical level. So how can we apply the same kind of logic towards momentum for creation that is building, but isn't seen physically. And I think that's the biggest mind-fuck of fertility, is it not? I remember thinking, like, what is going on inside of this body?
And that's why it is a journey where we really have to get into and sense on a different level. That's why it is an inner journey, right. Because we can't tell on the outside. So how can you add to and trust this momentum without feeling like you're back to square one? So in my opinion, this is the goal to creating anything you want in your life. To lean into the momentum of it, to feel into the progression of the momentum, to validate it building and to enjoy the building of it so fucking much that you unattach to when your goal actually comes to fruition.
So let's begin by talking about what stops momentum. The number one thing that puts a big halt on momentum is burnout. I'm going to share something with you guys. I had a bit of burnout this summer that I admittedly tried to ignore. I was like, nope, not happening. Oh gosh. Yes. I am a human. We had a loss in the family. We had some family drama around the loss, you know, God, just pile on, just to pile on from like the intensity. And then on top of that, I overextended myself to some ungrateful family members. And then as a result, I probably needed to go to sleep for about a month to restore my mind and body, but I just kept pushing through.
I resisted it because I fell back into that like unconscious subconscious belief, that momentum lies in my outside action, and the doing, and the going, and the productivity, and the completed to do list. And it can be really easy to fall back into this in our culture, but energetic momentum really lies, and this is without a doubt, like true to me, it really lies in the surrender to the seasons of your life. Energetic momentum ironically lies in a shit ton of rest. I was talking to a client who felt incredibly burnt out. She went through IVF in the summer that didn't work and she kept feeling like she was unsafe to rest after that experience, just like I did right after the family drama I went through. We've been culturally conditioned to just keep going after an intense experience.
Probably, you know, as a bit of a coping mechanism to not feel our feelings around it, but also because I think our worth takes quite a hit after an intense experience and we've been conditioned to value our worth on our productivity, so that's what we can lean to if we're not conscious. But burnout is called burnout for reason, it burns out he momentum. We are creatures that experience seasons within our lives. We are extensions of nature and we require a great deal of rest and relaxation and surrendering to this allows energetic momentum to progress, and ironically to progress quite quickly. Just as your phone starts to glitch out at a low battery, you know, like it may be an app shuts down and you're like, oh my God. Right, it gets super slow. And then eventually it just turns off if you don't charge it regularly, right. Obviously your mind and body are the exact same, but you would never let your phone burnout. That would be illogical. You don't wonder why it stopped working. You're not questioning it's worth.
You're like, yes, this thing needs energy. We are the same, we need to begin to value rest just as much as we value productivity. And my biggest tip, you know, what I've found to acquire safety around rest, because that's really what it is, is we want to feel safe in our rest, is to hang out with people who do too, who value it. Because if not, and you surround yourself with hustlers, then you're just attempting to rest with a pile of guilt. Right. Having a community of people, of women, of friends, you know, who value R and R makes it so much easier instead of feeling like busy as a sign of status. Right. And I'm saying this because obviously it's something we value inside of my community of Fertility Mind-Body Mastery. But I'm also part of a business coaching program that intentionally focuses on rest. It was really cool actually, we had to do a letter to ourselves from the HR department of our company. And I read a colleagues and it was just, it blew my mind on how much rest and naps and everything that she gave herself to feel. And it was just so cool to see it. She actually structured it in like an actual live doc online. So it was just brilliant to see a new approach to women in business. So that's just kind of what I, why I think it's so important to find other people who also value downtime and rest. Now, like I said, I admittedly went through burnout this summer, but the journey of life and I'm sharing, I'm sharing this with you guys because the journey of life is not about perfecting it.
It's about learning, growth and evolution. It's about failing and fucking up and learning from it. The sooner you realize this, the sooner you can give yourself the grace you need to forgive and move on. To move past my burnout I actually wrote a letter of forgiveness to myself and in it I talked about all the ways in which I learned from this experience in this time of my life and what I'll take with me onto my future and into my future. And it was a beautiful gift, and an area of reflection for myself.
But this is ultimately the lesson in surrendering to the seasons of our minds and bodies. Like, think about that, surrender to the seasons that lie within our mind and bodies. And one thing that we really need to know about this is that we don't have control over how much rest our bodies need. Like, there are a lot of times throughout the day where I'm like, could I not just have more energy? We don't have control over that. We don't have control over how slow we need to go in order to restore our energy from what we've been through. Our body has a vast amount of intelligence and our only job is to listen; to be its servant. From that perspective, that's all we got to do.
Okay, now the second thing that stops momentum is not talking about your feelings and what you're going through; suppressing how you feel mostly because of shameful thoughts. You know, it's pretending you're not sad about getting your period and that everything is fine. Discrediting the anger you feel after your loss, not setting those boundaries with your family, faking a smile the whole time at your family reunion, even though you're miserable. Acting like you believe you can get pregnant with your partner, but really you're terrified of what lies ahead. As Brene Brown says, you know, you're in pleasing, performing and perfecting mode to keep your shame alive.
Now I'm not saying that the way through shame is to like show up at the reunion and bawl your eyes out. I always thought that, like, that might be what I had to do in order to get pregnant, but I promise you, this is not the case. However, I am suggesting that you do find a space to release this suppressed energy. Your vulnerability, you know, that you feel in that you sense whenever your eyes start to well up, or you get that frog in your throat, right.
Although it's uncomfortable as hell. It truly is the way of unblocking any energy within the mind and body and to restore your energy. If you just like, imagine a tap that wants to flow, but you just keep saying no, because you're too afraid to let it out, right. You're too afraid it'll last forever. You're too afraid you'll be a mess and be judged. You're too afraid to be seen in your sadness. You're too afraid to appear less than perfect. You see this release as potentially a sign of weakness. Right? I get it. I get the resistance. I had those feelings too, but the relief that is found when you turn the tap on and it's like, ah, and allow yourself to be heard is worth every uncomfortable moment.
Here's the deal though. You can choose to let this out in a safe space. You don't have to do it with your mom or your partner who just don't seem to get it. There are communities out there. There are therapists that can help you through this, as well, of course, my community inside of Fertility Mind-Body Mastery.
And, you know, shame is one of those things, I was talking to a friend about this, who was also a client at one point, and we were both like, it's kind of inevitable when you're trying to conceive, you know. The conversation we had about it she was like, you can't really hide from that when you're on this journey. Um, and many of the women I speak to agree with that and the cultural message, you know, that something is wrong with us when you don't get pregnant within a year is very loud and clear, but it's up to us. If we choose to let that shame drive the bus, I will say that when someone can witness you and your shame and still show you how lovable and valuable you are - that's what liberates you. It's the most remarkable experience.
Okay. Now the last thing that stops momentum is gripping to it. It's like your monkey mind tells you that if you don't have a constant pulse on your fertility journey, then it won't happen. If you don't think about all the time. If it's not the first thing you think about when you wake up and the last thing you think abut before you go to bed, then you'll miss something. If you relax for just a second, then it will take a lot longer to get pregnant. Right. Those are the thoughts we have. I can confidently tell you that the exact opposite is true. How do you feel when someone's micromanaging you? Like, is there anything more annoying in the world?
Why do we do it to our bodies? To our fertility? Why in the world would we micromanage a higher power as if we know better. When someone's up in my business and helicoptering me on every little thing I do, I don't feel trusted. And to be perfectly honest, I can't do my job properly. What I need most to do my job is space. Can we give this to our bodies, to our fertility, to a higher power. Can we give it room to work it's magic? And so here's how it works. You got to let the momentum do its job without micromanaging. Of course, you set your intentions and you ask for what you want. And then, and I want you to take this part very seriously, you let it get to work by getting out of your head and having fucking fun. I am not even kidding. I am not trying to be light. I am being very serious with you right now. We have to get out of our own way. We got to let the universe and the energy that's building know that we trust it.
It's like trusting it will only give it more confidence and more room to do its job. You got to let go of your grip here. And we do this by replacing the obsession with the little tiny three letter word, fun, your new affirmation. The more fun I have, the more fertile I am.
Okay. Plan a dinner party, have a glass of champagne in the bath. Play hooky from work. Throw your phone away for a weekend and just be in the moment. Paint on a canvas, bake a Martha Stewart cake. Go watch a comedy show. Have a movie night, sleep in, stay all day in your pajamas. Buy a beautiful new pair of pajamas. Read a delicious book, go for a glorious hike. And when you do it, receive it, be in that moment. Feel how good it feels to get out of your fertility's business and dive into the present moment of your life.
This is what builds momentum my love. Number one, surrendering to the seasons of your life and tending to your body with lots of rest and relaxation.
Number two, feel your feelings. Let the tap flow and your energy flow and restore itself. Right. Get it out.
And number three, get out of your own way by having some fucking fun. Momentum wants to build, energy wants to build towards your creation. The best part of this, you know, is that all momentum really wants is for you to come back to you so that it can do its job. It wants to see you enjoy. It wants to see you feeling how you feel. And wants to see you napping and resting and having fun with the people that you love. I really truly believe this. This might not be comfortable to do it first and it's normal for it to be uncomfortable if you're not used to these things, but at the same time, it is incredibly comfortable to know that there is another way to your baby that gives you your life back.
If this is something you want more than anything, to just feel happy again, to heal from all the shit you've been through on this journey, and to finally let go and trust it, then apply for my six month group coaching program - Fertility Mind-Body Mastery. It provides you with everything you need. From modules to meditation's to live coaching. And of course, to getting pregnant without it taking over your life, the best part. So you can apply at www.spenserbrassard.com or you can find it all on my Instagram. All right. That is all for today. It's such a fun conversation. Hope you enjoy this lots of love.
Thanks for tuning in. If you want to fast track your mind-body connection, you can sign up for free fertility mindset trainings at www.spenserbrassard.com.